Yesterday Brlja and I were somewhere south to see some juicemaker, for a tezga... because Avai was progressing slowly, salary in Szoftex was same as last year, what's not as attractive anymore, considering their inflation rate. This way we at least get the job done and pocket the cash, nobody needs to know anything. The guy is doing half the business off the books anyway... on which subject he immediately asked whether he may have a way to keep records of off the record stuff, to have it but keep it invisible. Of course, it's out of the question, we don't do such stuff, doesn't even cross our minds (and we keep hearing rumors of some colleagues who did time because the customer scapegoated them), and instead we showed him how to open a sandbox warehouse, to play in while learning to use the app. He took the hint and the subject was off the table henceforth, no further questions.
It felt a bit odd to do a tezga on sunday evening, but give what you may. His office was above some sidehouse, where he had the heating system, I remember seeing heaps of bars of pressed hay, sunflower and walnut shells and whatnot, that was the fuel for heating. He was also kind of heating the plant, which was the bottom storey of the big house (his apartment above it), but with trucks unloading empty and loading full bottles in there all the time, the big doors had to stay open. Most of the trucks seem to be of the kind which is trouble to start, and they'd require a little fortune in parts and labor to allow for turning off. As it were, these took a lot of effort to start in the morning, and then weren't turned off until done for the day. The guys at the production line had to breathe the fumes, and had to keep the hangar gates open, so heating was futile.
To work today, over Horgoš.
This is the probable week for this:
I once had a call from the other end of town describing how everything actually works except when she types a date, the current record is immediately saved and the screen goes ready for the next record. Hmmmm... is your NumLock on?
Saved me a 4km walk to Gemenc.
How did I guess? Well, we had catal6.prg generated dropdowns everywhere, so they didn't have to type any codes for anything (and there were several lookups with actual codes in the background, and it was quite common then to have users type them). The customer being a nurse in an accidents surgery, there were no amounts nor quantities to type, so no digits anywhere. Only when she'd type the date - and this was in Hungary, where the ANSI date is native :), so she'd start the date with 1 (yyyy-mm-dd), which moonlights as End key on XT keyboard when num lock is off... And End does exactly that - end of entry, save, next.
And once I had to go for some other reason, maybe the same week, to that urgent surgery (aka baleset, left fall, aka accident). This nurse was quite a character, not much of a chick to be honest, but witty and poking good fun. She saw me park in the novogradnja across the street, where there's room - it's in the flatlands, the hospital compound was on the hill side of the road. That parking is somewhat cramped, Ula once bent a rear view mirror there, and was then very happy when I showed her that the office Opel Astra has a spring mechanism for exactly such cases, nothing broken, just move it back.
She also saw me leave the car and then cross the main road straight, avoiding the 30m circumnavigation to the pedestrian crossing on the corner. When we met, she asked whether we have crossings in Yugoslavia. Sure we have, and we also have 30 years worth of experience in crowded city traffic, so crossing safely is an art, for which we perfected our reflexes long ago. I fixed the small thing I came for and then we sat and chatted for a while... and I told them this joke (nope, didn't type it now, it's in the collection since long ago, but now translating it to english will be tough... it's longish).
A guy sits in a tavern, devotes time to his beer, when the next table is now occupied by a guy with a monkey. The guy orders a rum and a biscuit for the monkey. He downs the rum, and the monkey shoves the biscuit up his ass. Another rum and biscuit, same. And another. The guy keeps looking and can't understand what's going on.
- Waiter?
- Yes, please?
- Why does the monkey shove the biscuit up his ass?
- I have no idea, not my table, not my zone, and I don't know the guests yet, I'm here since monday. I'll get you the floor manager.
Manager comes.
- Yes, please?
- Why does the monkey shove the biscuit up his ass?
- Ouch, pal, I don't have the time to observe the guests, I've had it with these waiter scum, they'll eat me soul... but look, see with the wardrobe guy, he's here since the flood, he may know.
The guy walks to the wardrobe.
- Yes, please?
- Why does the monkey shove the biscuit up his ass?
- I have no clue, I don't see the floor from here, and he's barebutted, not my customer, no interest to me. See with baba sera*, she gets all the stories.
He goes to the toilet to see baba sera.
- Yes, please?
- Why does the monkey shove the biscuit up his ass?
- I only know when it comes to dump it. His owner pays okay, doesn't skimp... but why... who'd know. See with the band, they look from above, have better view, and they watch for the audience's reaction. If they don't know...
...
- Band?
- Yes, please?
- Do you know why does the monkey shove the biscuit up his ass?
- Of course we do, but that would cost you some...
- No problem, here...
- Okay guys, a one, a two, a one two three... Oh why does the monkeeeey... shove the biscuiiiiit... up his aaaaaaass...
Now how did I ever manage to tell that in hungarian, I have no idea. I remember being helped with the main sentence, it goes „mert dugja a majom a kekszet a segébe“. Okay, it passed swimmingly, a bit of fun never hurts. Went back to the office, and Vanji and Joška wanted to know what happened... and I told them about the tiny bug and how I told the joke. Which joke? The one with monkey and biscuit. No shit.
Then they just tried to imagine me telling it in hungarian, and fell off their chairs laughing. As Joška said of my hungarian, „he doesn't quite speak it, but he communicates“.
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* baba sera, aka shit granny, was the toilet attendant, typically in blue workers' smock and Borosana shoes. She'd sit in its anteroom and try to charge you according to your needs, „little need a dinar and the big one two“, as Bora Čorba sang.
2-V-2022 - 16-VI-2026