18-VII-1972.: Finally
Tried all kinds of things with Evi but she just wouldn't even talk to me properly all day. Well never mind, things happen in the evening. Already got burned a couple of times when trying in daylight. The more interesting event was when a tiny bird, probably some kind of tit, landed on the table, so we gave it water from a tin bottle stopper, had it perch on someone's shoulder, finger, knee, belt, head and generally the bird was really fun.
(Veca doing the club's dishes at what we called the watering hole; the guys always knew how to charm some girl to do that for them)
When I appeared at the Hat club before dusk, I noticed a cute blonde sitting next to Evi... and cursed to heaven why didn't she appear a day before, so I would be with her and not with Evi. I mean Evi is the first girl with whom I properly kissed (more than twice and without it being a congratulation) and now the next evening we don't know each other I'm gone with the other. So I decided to just dance around this Inge for now. But it didn't work that way. Evi just sat mum, not a word - later I heard that she felt bad for breaking her promise to the boyfriend at home. Last night was a slip, or she just wanted a taste of a Brit (she thought I was one). Anyway, I honestly wanted to give it one more try, but turned out that the only free seat was next to Inge. So we talked for talk's sake, nothing special, and soon I stopped. Turned around to hear the discussion on the other end, when she said "what do you like to read?". "What?". I didn't really expect she'd want to talk more. "what do you like to read?" "newspaper, mostly serious, politics, art, culture. why do you ask?" "just starting a new subject of conversation". Oh, so. This got my old brain into the first gear, then the second... she looks for something to talk about? You don't let that one go. She went on about liking utopias, fantasy, imagine all those stars...
So we continued all the way to disco. I went on of how the future depends on the social system, how capitalism produces utopias just to prepare you into being what it wants. Among the rest, through those books. Somehow we got to the end of the world, cessation of everything, ending that line with the usual "doesn't matter".
Once there, she was amazed that I'm not a smoker, we danced like everyone else, and then the deejay played "Imagine", and we stayed to dance it. I felt her heartbeat through her thin shirt. Her hair would snag on my beard, not much but I didn't shave since home. I moved her hair away and... well, we kissed, and stayed so.
She didn't stay in the camp, her folks had rent a room in the village right behind the camp, about 1km away, I could see her place from the dock. I escorted her all the way, and we realized we have only so much time. She's staying three weeks, but we leave on 2nd of august... so we have about two weeks altogether. She bragged that I was her 27th boyfriend. Her sixth kept her at distance, they walked the opposite sides of the road. Which is why he didn't last.
I was thirsty all night, she came straight off the beach and didn't take a shower.
Nineteenth. She was away all day, came in near dusk, just like yesterday. The hatters were going for a field trip, imagine, without Ines and Rene, because Lajna and Mačka (Cat) were already part of the gang and they wanted to go with them. Wolfey was with Zigi or some other girl, and I was supposed to go with Inge, but that would up the number to eight and that's way over the capacity of the old mercedes. But she woudln't go without Evi, and then we need a guy for her. I suggested we put her in the trunk. "She IS the luggage". But Inge came too late anyway, so the six went - kill me, but can't remember which girl was with Wolfey. I went to Evi's tent, with a solid pretext that I need to return Inge's hat - a white soft frotir thing with some teal shade, and "Hat club" written on it. Most of the girls also had hats - Evi had something crazy, plastic hay, almost unraveled after just two swims; Rene had something of felt, sort of indian shaped, lost shape after seven swims, Ines had an orange rimless thing with holes regularly cut around the lower edge. Altogether seven hats, so we're international, truly.
Sneca got angry that they weren't invited for the trip. Dunno what would she do there, they went to just about any remote place where they can fuck in peace. Told Rudolf when they returned, and he said the reason is within herself. She won't play, fine, but will stay on the side. I explained it to her (why am I the postman, really), and she chose to stay on the side, but kept grumbling.
When I came to the hat club in the evening, Inge was sitting on the hood of the mercedes, with the tri-star between her legs. I somehow managed to not say anything about sights and target acquisition equipment (wouldn't know how to say it in english anyway), so I just sat on the bumper and kept mum. Soon everyone got up to go, and she cried "how do I get down now?". "Very easily", I said, and took her down. Ouch, I got into a stupor, not knowing what to say for a few minutes, this broke the ice. We stayed together all evening. Didn't write much in my notes, but during recovery in august, remembered that this was the evening that I found out she thought, probably via Evi, that I was british. Nope, I'm a yugo. How old are you? Fifteen... and you eighteen? Nope. You are. Nineteen? No, seventeen. Seventeen? Yes. Oh, little boy. Say that once more and you die. You know, my sixth boyfriend was twenty. That's his problem, forget him. But you're so young! Seventeen! Pa šta onda? Was? What does it matter? You are too young for me! And yesterday I was not. Ah you little boy...
Then it turns out she'll be fifteen on 10th of august... so she's actually fourteen at the moment. By that time we were at her door, exactly 22:00.
On 20th, went to disco with Evi, Wolfey, Zigi (or Dzigi or Kooky or whatever), but she had two cousins, aged 16, who took a while to get dressed up (for disco!). I mean, I went in the same light-pink synthetic shirt, jeans and barefoot. It was another we go we don't go situation, Zigi isn't going without them, light blackmail stuff, saw that so many times. I wasn't quite listening to the argument, as I stood aside with Inge, embracing and listening to her bits of translation. Then just for kicks I asked Wolfey what's going on. He told me and I said "ah so nothing beyond what she told me already"... He said only "nije to ništa" (all the guys from the gang learned that one, from one of the Pančevo gang), but I obviously owed him one for this. The dispute continued, so I sat on a nearby trashcan, my back to the wall, and her in my lap. After a while we gave up on waiting and said we'll wait for them halfway at the "Galeb" tavern until nine, beyond that we're gone. Along the way, dunno why, I went on telling jokes, but so did she. But then we agreed to skip the jokes for some other day, okay? Okay.
Tejka left this morning.
Next day it was mom's birthday, the usual bottle of Maraskino. The guys were drunk all day, but managed to cook a bottle of tea as a present. They came to present it. Grex was solidly drunk, kept repeating "doesn't matter" and "nije to ništa". Milivoje was greenish, didn't like it.
Inge was late that evening, but didn't stay long and even then had to leave in a rush, her mom appeared. This is the day when Patrick from Dorset and Greg from Canada appeared. The latter is in the category we call "50kg with bed", but even so he managed to hitchhike all the way from Canada (except ship) and then over Europe... until Rijeka. It's impossible to hitch a ride from that city, he gave up after seven hours and caught a bus. Went to Milan's, more ražnjići with the usual onion overload. I had some wine. Milan said he thought Rudolf was female. C'mon man, at your age you should spot the difference... I mean look at his face, ugly as a devil, that a girl's face? Just kidding... Doesn't matter, he ain't angry... Then I translate to him and he says "can you imagine me angry?" "not here" "Oh, I am, often, but I come here to have some rest, who would be angry here...". I felt some effect from the wine - going uphill was some trouble, and the head felt heavier so it caused me to veer here and there.
(Rudolf with Senn on shoulders; there's another with Veca on Grex's, but he was diving sideways, facing the camera so both faces are nicely visible)
Ines and Rene probably left today. Also The Lady, the little freckled dutch girl with several sisters. Her dad would spend the day in a hammock. Later we got acquainted, he said he usually spends half the vacation on Biserno ostrvo (Pearly island) near Bečej, just enjoying the wine they make. I made a habit of lifting my hat every time I passed (imaginary if I didn't have one). She was my partner for horseplay in the water several times. A disarming smile, nice girl altogether. We met more times in the following years.
22nd we sat on the dock. It just happened that Veca and/or Sneca sat next to me on one side, and Inge on the other, and we were stuck in an embrace all the time, just kissing. I can't imagine the effort it took them to ignore us.
Then went to disco again. Wolfey and Zigi in one corner of the cubicle, Inge and I in the other, the rest meditating. I had a tip that two guys will come specially just to beat me up. Didn't find out where they were from, but heard they were short haired. Okay, that seriously narrows it down. Also that one of them was very tall, but it turned out that the kid who told me would describe me as a mountain, he's still quite small and anyone else is tall. Specially considering that Joška and Pišta dropped by a few days ago, when Tejka was leaving - perhaps someone from their gang.
About the twins, namely one of them, probably Pišta, there was an event which must have happened these days:
There was a ferijalac by Punta Bajlo, spitting distance from Milan's, where we went sometimes because they'd play dance music in the evenings. And he goes on around some girl from Bjelovar, who was both willing and unwilling, so she eventually had to ask where was he from, because he's obviously speaking ekavian, not ijekavian.
- from Zrenjanin.
- what, you a Serb?
- nope, Hungarian.
- okay, then it's a go.
- now it's a no go.
And he started seriously mocking her („fucking her in the healthy brain“) and they split in five minutes.
I got a safety guarantee from one of the locals, for every hair we have, while we're inside. On the way back (with Evi) I kept looking around for places to hide or escape routes - tough, there are houses on one side, and the other side is a tad steep, falling off a bit. And then there they were... ah, yugos. Talked it out - it turns out they were giving away cigarettes when I said "ma goni ga u pičku materinu" (run him into mother's cunt) and he thought it was adressed to him. Nope, man, haven't even seen you, why would I send you... must have been Wolfey who did something stupid and that was my comment. So we talked it off, left as friends.
Reached them and walked her all the way home. We still had time - she had time until 23 or so - so we sat on some low wall, sort of below the road, but could see her gate from there. The sea is just a few meters away... Told me to not shave, she likes beards. (Then in daylight, next day, said to shave it, as it's blonde (well, looks so in the sun). Ah no, we won't pay wanna do donwannado. I refused flatly. It seems that was a test, to see how pliable am I. Well there are limits.)
On the way back, next to the camp fence, a couple having trouble with their ford capri, won't start. Probably low on battery. So I helped them push, and they just drove off, not even waving a thankyou. Assholes.
Then I shaved, it was almost midnight. It seems there was more persuasion going on than I wrote down...
Slogan of the day: "Imagine a road... shut up and keep walking" (paraphrase to what Yoko wrote on the sleeve of "Imagine").
The day of 23rd she appeared briefly in the morning, but we just sat in the camp restaurant and she spoke with Evi and Zigi, while I was translating some lyrics from Korni grupa on a sheet of paper. She wasn't in too much of a mood and didn't even want to kiss. In the evening, then, she appeared rather late. We sat on the side but she mostly refused to kiss. She let me too far last night, I guess, and sort of got it confirmed in words, not exactly those, but using a circumspect way where we both didn't know enough words. But the implication was there... then her parents appeared on the horizon, so she told me to move a bit apart... well too late for that. I was more or less angry at what was going on and tried to explain that.
- ah, zo
- forty
- forty what?
- fortieth time you said "ah, zo" since I'm counting... we should celebrate. Okay, just kill me, here's my neck, go find a knife.
- you miss it that much
- good guess...
Left her at Evi's tent (her parents were there) and talked with Wolfey about his trouble. Sneca and Veca are mad at him and he doesn't understand why. "I may understand... you tried with one of them, didn't work, you drink, smoke have fun and, worst of all, you had three other girls since". "Ah, it's summer". "That's what I say, time is precious. Imagine a day stolen, now."
Then I just felt I should turn around. She was there.
"My stolen half a day just got returned. See you, Wolfey."
Said her parents weren't there, gave up on waiting and went home. So I escorted her. Somewhere right out of the camp I felt crushed glass under my feet. Of course, going barefoot everywhere, it had to happen. But then it didn't happen - I already had enough soles on my feet, and I had the technique, spread the pressure evenly, so not a single bit entered my skin. Wow. Nije to ništa.
Had a long talk about our histories, about screwups in previous relationships (or failures to have a meaningful one) and then I confessed I must be in love, there's no other explanation.
Went back, found some food to nibble, sat long with Veca and Sneca and just talked. It's the parents, of course, holding them on a short leash, and they even stopped yanking that leash. I inserted a bit, as much as I could muster, of the "teach your parents well" philosophy... may do some bits of good.
Mentions: Geraldine van Grijven (The Lady), Gregor Kessler (Grex), Inge Hertmann (Inge), Joška Rac, Korni grupa, Melanija Merćep (Lajna), Milivoje Stojanović, Pa šta onda, Pišta Rac, Rosanne (Senn), Rudolf Ochsner, Slavica Tejin (Tejka), Snežana Stojanović (Sneca), Vera Stojanović (Veca), yugo, in serbian
1-VIII-2022 - 12-VI-2026