A string of fake (translators') pearls

Many a natural pearl of wisdom is mislaid as lost in translation. The translators cultivate them in their shells, and then take a lot of pain to publish them. The breeders often insert grains into shells, so the pearl forms around them. Such grains are presented here, hoping to inspire the translators to grow even larger ones. So here are the intentionally bad translations, based mostly on ignoring the context. Other dirty tricks are not off the table. The translation back into English is often much longer. This is to avoid going back to the original word, so a description is used to denote its meaning in the shifted context.

(enough of this, get me back)
English can be translated to Serbian as ...and than translated back as
all in good time svi u dobrom ritmu everyone in good rhythm
sve u provodu everything in entertainment
blind date ćorava urma sight-impaired dactylifera
can't forget a single day ne mogu da zaboravim jedan nevenčan dan can't forget one unmarried day
ne mogu da zaboravim jedan jednokrevetni dan can't forget one one-bed day
carbon dating zakazivanje randesa indigom making a private appointment by carbon-copy paper
izlasci sa ugljenikom going out with carbon (and not oxygen, phosphorus or any other element)
civil suit civilno odelo opposite of uniform, the civvies
građansko udvaranje bourgeois courtship
grupa civila a band of civilians
cold in these parts prehlada u ovim ulogama flu in these roles
cotton sticks pamuk se lepi cotton gets glued
current issues tekuća pitanja liquid questions
strujna izdanja electric editions
everything you can't conceive sve ne možeš da zatrudniš all the time you can't get pregnant
fair: I think it's only fair mislim da je to samo fer (za "nesebično" treba truda) I thing it's no better than "fair" (needs effort for "selfless")
mislim da je samo plavokosa I think blonde is her only color
mislim da je to samo vašar I think it's just a fair (not a regular retail outlet)
fill in this form napuni ovaj kalup pour into this mold to the top
zatrpaj ovaj obrazac shovel this model over
natoči u ovaj oblik pour into this shape
here I go again on my own ponovo ovuda idem po svom sopstvenom I am taking this path once more over my proprietary
if that's the way it is going to be ako je to put to ide da bude if that is the road, it goes to happen
join the club sastavi batinu assemble the bludgeon
pridruži palicu za golf associate the golf stick
just for the record pravedan za ploču equitable for an LP
zaslužen za evidenciju earned for evidence
kitchen sinks kuhinja tone kitchen falls beneath
labor day radni dan workday
dan trudova a day in labors
lead scientist olovni naučnik apprentice made of lead
mess hall hodnik u neredu corridor in disarray
out of order van narudžbine outside of what was on the ordered quantity
preko reda jumping the queue
iz reda from orderliness
iz naređenja from the command
pardon my French pomilujte mog Francuza show some lenience towards my French one
pomilujte moje Francuze caress my Frenchies
d'izvinete na mom Francuzu if you'd excuse me for my Frenchman
power to the patients snaga pacijentima strenth to the patients
vlast pacijentima authority to the patients
struja pacijentima electricity to the patients
scenery scenario script of a play (not an artificial pearl - found it on Panoramio's translation into Serbian)
Sharp art on cover draws one to this book. oštra umetnost na izvođenju tuđe pesme crta keca na ovu knjigu severe artistry on the performance of other author's song outlines a digit of one on this book
speaker: an excelent pair of speakers ready for the stage odličan par zvučnika spreman za stupanj excellent stereo ready for the grade
there just isn't anywhere better to be tamo pravedan nije ma gde bolje biti over there righcheous is not better to be at any location
there's no such thing as a free lunch tamo nema takve stvari kakav je slobodan ručak out there no such object exists similar to a lunch in liberty
time after time vreme posle vremena the time after the end of time
ritam iza ritma rhythm behind the rhythm
vreme po vremenu weather depending on time
vreme po vremenu time depending on weather
treat: why you treat me this way zašto me častiš ovim putem why do you pay me drinks/food along this road
zašto me častiš ovim putem what's the occasion to buy me this road
won't you let me take you on a sea cruise zar me nećeš pustiti da te držim za morsko krstarenje will you not allow me to hold you by a maritime cruising
zar mi nećeš dozvoliti da te najmim na morskom krstarenju will you not allow me to hire you on a seafaring cruise